To See Or Not To See That Is The Question
by understandmyworldunderstandme
Summary: Santana had an accident and has left her blind. With low self esteem and not a soul in the world to talk to what can she do? Who might come along? Rated M for later chapters. First ever Fan Fiction let me know what you think and if I should continue writing. I own nothing.
1. Chapter 1

**Authors Note: I do not own any of these characters. First go at writing any Fan Fiction let me know if I should carry on and what you think. Rated M for later chapters.**

Too See Or Not To See That Is The Question.

I can feel them around me.

That atmosphere I have felt all too often.

The staring looks, the whispering. I might be blind but I am certainly not deaf. I also have the ability to feel when someone is looking at me just like you. You know when you get that feeling when you're walking along the street in the middle of the night… and you get the overwhelming feeling someone is watching you… or worse following you? Well I live with that feeling day in and day out. The doctors told me that one day my sight might come back on its own or the might be surgery that one day could help fix my 'disability' but for now I am stuck in this nightmare with; no friends, no one to speak to, and certainly no hope of finding someone to love me. As if I'd let them when I wouldn't be able to see them. Please I might be blind for now but I don't want to be seen with someone ugly.

My name is Santana Lopez and I'm still the top bitch without the use of my bad ass eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: This chapter is really short and I will admit it's not very good. I might redo it and make it better. I'm ill so don't judge me too much :). Let me know what you think and any ideas. Next update I will make it longer and it will hopefully go somewhere.**

Chapter 2.

"Santana Lopez?"

"Shit, that's me!"

I gingerly get up and make my way forward white stick extended and everything, if I ever go Lima Heights on anyone's ass the white stick always comes in handy… believe me! I have been here enough to know my way around anyway.

"Hey Santana, just take a seat-"

That's right she knows to not help me sit down she has met before.

"- we have a trainee in with us today her names Brittany and she will be sitting in for several weeks of your sessions."

"Hi!" I heard the sweetest voice say from behind and that's saying something even from me. However I wasn't one for people to hear my problems that's why these sessions are supposed to be private between me and Sandra (my psychiatrist) as much as I hate coming here! It's way better than the group meetings I'd been to.

"I'm not sure that would be a good idea Sandra you know I'm not good with people hearing my story," I told her this truthfully and as friendly as I could without hurting this "Brittany's feelings"

"I'm sorry Santana but it's essential she stays in here, so she can get to know you, as she will become you psychiatrist when I go on maternity leave. I thought you would see this coming?"

"Wait! What! I still have to come here even though you're getting a break? I want a break from these sessions!"

"Santana calm down. Everything's going to be okay Brittany here is very qualified and is just going through the regular training of the job that I had too. I have a feeling you two are really going to get along. She will read your record and be up to date to talk to you about your accident and what you went through, she's prepared to listen just let her! Why don't we just begin your counselling for today?" I couldn't believe this! I was just being passed from pillar to post like a child when their parents are splitting up, well Santana Lopez doesn't stick around and make someone happy for anything no chance.

I stood up and made my way help free to the door… "I don't really feel like counselling today maybe if I come back next week I might but I wouldn't count on it." I then turn towards where I think this Brittany is, "I'm sorry Brittany it's nothing personal… well maybe it is… but I might hear you again sometime if I come back?" I really do want to hear from her again and I only heard her utter one word.

"I hope you do" I heard her say before I turned and left.

Your probably thinking why did you just up and leave that Sandra was really nice, but I was making a statement that with no eyes you can't play me and push me around. Maybe I was showing off in front of the new girl but her I have every right I can't fucking see!


	3. Chapter 3

**Authors Note: I apologise for how late this has been uploaded. I am already working on the next few chapters and hope to get them up quicker. I have some major tests coming up soon and a bad writers block which I'm so sorry for. Anyway here's Chapter 2. Let me know what you think!**

My mum is such a bitch she is actually driving me to this therapist, that's right driving me! I know your blind surely you have to be driven round and your right but hell fucking no this goes against everything that I have going on for sightless image and blind girl reputation!

She practically dragged me into the waiting room and sat me on the seat! So now I'm sat here alone bored and waiting for my name to be called even though I know for sure I won't be staying in that office for very long seen as my original therapist won't be there… hello stranger danger…. Even if 'Brittanys' voice did sound soft like an angel and maybe I do want to hear that melodic sound again, but that goes against everything I have going on!

I hear the usual name that is called right before mine, 'Noah Puckerman' usually the sessions can take up to an hour but his are usually done in about 14 minutes. I'm aware how exact that sounds but think about it, what can blind girl actually do in a waiting room other than listen in to random people's conversations or count the ticking of the clock, I take the latter because I really don't need to know what Bertie the cleaner found stuck in on the bottom of her shoe after cleaning… that's just plain nasty!

As I sit and wait I let my mind wander on to the subject of the angelic voice that I heard. This has been happening a lot lately where I just sit and think about Brittany, I try and imagine what she looks like I think she's blonde, young and slim with the perfect face and perfect body. I try and imagine the freckles that might be on her face; if she has dimples or freckles. Whether her eyes are blue or hazel, I think blue, blue like the ocean is described in the books I have read in braille. What her hobbies could be, if she likes music like me or maybe she is more into nerdy stuff I mean she is a therapist she probably likes science or something weird like that right?

I'm brought out of my trance by mum.

"Honey I'm just going to get a cup of coffee do you want anything?"

"Yeah, I want you to take me home!"

"Santana you know that isn't going to happen, just sit there and listen for your name I'll be here when you come out."

I begrudgingly did stay there I mean hey I have to get home right and how can I get home without the woman? What hail a taxi? Are you mental I'm blind, I'd end up getting in a strangers car and god only knows what could happen!

I start to think about other things while I sit there, you see I lost my eyesight due to an accident, which is why I come to a therapist because I can't speak about it, I just want to forget it but no that isn't enough for them! For me to truly move on I have to accept it and speak about my feeling but how am I supposed to do that when they took my main sense? According to my Opthalmologist he thinks there might be something new coming to medication that might give me my sight back, and when it happens I'll be one of the first they'll ask to test it on. Could I really risk the point of more pain or getting my hopes up? What happens if wreck my entire chance of ever seeing again if more medical research is taken! What choice will I have?

I'm pulled out of my thoughts by my name being called. "Santana….Santana….Miss Lopez? Brittany will see you now."

Wish me the best of look I'm going to need it!

**A/N They are going to have more of a relationship in the upcoming chapters and things will move faster from here on out :)**

**Review, and feel free to PM I get bored and could do with someone to speak to.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**Authors Note: I'm so sorry this like took forever and isn't that great I had a lot going on with exams and stuff like that, and I was suffering writers block. I'm hoping to continue writing and write more frequently if your still interested In reading that is.**

"So Santana why don't you sit down and begin to tell me about yourself?"

"Whats there to tell? You have my file right infront of you know everything aleady"

I was right she did have my file and I was betting anything she was looking down at it right now not even taking any notice of what I was saying.

I heard her sigh heavy.

"I just want to get to know you more Santana on a more personal level, I think the reason you're finding it hard to open up to anyone is just the fact, you don't have any real friends to…."

Woah hold up

"I have friends!"

"In you file it says that, you were having social anxiety after your… accident"

See I told you she had my file. She was right after that night there was no way I could speak to any of my friends, you don't just go from 'Head Bitch' and 'Head Cheerleader' to the poor little blind with the white stick and hope to keep friend, everyone knows that.

Shit I hadn't answered her she was probably quirking her eyebrow trying to read my mind… you know just a guess.

"Yeah well who needs friends when you look as good me" ugh did I really just say that to her? I heard her giggle maybe I got away with it.

She sighed again.

"Hmm you are right there. *Cough* I mean continue, what do you do in your spare time?" she asked.

That was the problem I had nothing to do in my spare time. I spent the whole time with my mum and she wasn't exactly the greatest person in the world to hang out with. Other than that I just stayed at home and listened to music. What? I can't watch TV can I?

"I go shopping and just hang out" I didn't completely lie.

"Okay that's good. You seem to always be in your head Santana I need to come up with a way to let you get out of that mind of yours and open up to me."

Her voice drives me crazy I can tell she is good at her job, I do want to let my guard down but they have been up for way to long they can't just collapse... not yet.

"See there you are again. For the next session I'm going to suggest a longer session maybe get out of the office and just hang out; nothing to formal and less of an intimidating setting. How does that sound?"

I hesitated I don't know why I mean I have been dying to get out of the house and be out with someone who maybe wont treat me like I'm made of glass.

"Yeah sure, erm that sounds good."

"Excellent, well I'll explain to your mum what's going to happen and make sure it's all okay and then we can set a date for our next session."

"Okay cool"

I take that as my cue to leave, my sessions always finish quick apparently I spend too much time caught up in my own mind.

I stand up and brush myself off but before I know it I'm in a hug, it's not long but it's the first time in a long time someone has hugged me or just been close to touch me I almost wanted it to last for longer but before I could react it was over, and she was walking me by the arm out into the reception area where she passed me over to my mum like a child. This is great.

My mum confirmed everything with her for my next appointment and it was given the go ahead as they passed details to one another.

"Bye Santana"

She whispered as I felt her squeeze my arm and walked past me slightly brushing my shoulder.

**A/N: Oh god that was terrible I do apologise, I hope it gets better or I might give up writing this story. Review let me know what you think PM too if you have any ideas?**


	5. Chapter 5

As you could probably have guessed I am having a major writing block I'm going through a crazy time and a lot of exams which I know is the usual excuse. I'm hoping to start writing again, I just hope you will still follow my story when it back on, I'm really sorry and I accept all the hate and loss of followers on this story. Again I'm really sorry.


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